coming back to god

I wrote this some time ago just thought I would share this again 

At some point in your life it all comes to a crashing halt. You realize you can’t do it on your own. No matter how much others try they can’t help you either and the more you let them try the more you hurt them. Nothing you do will fill the emptiness you feel inside you. This in when people turn to things of the world to try to hide the pain they feel and the pain they are causing the ones they love. Drugs, alcohol, porn, money, partying, or maybe you'll try just being a good person with shallow jesters of kindness and helping others but not because it’s the right thing to do but because you want other to look at you and say “look he's a good person, he must be really happy” but none of it will make the pain go away. Sure you may fool some people in to believing the face you wear on the outside and you may even fool yourself for a while as you start to wear blinders to the real world around you. Then one day you wake up and it’s all gone not only the fake stuff but the real stuff too. Maybe it’s in that moment that you think “life is not worth living and you just want to end it all, you want the pain to stop” you’re looking for someone to help you but your also looking for someone to blame for your loss, your pain and your suffering. So often we begin to blame God for what we are going through we say “God why have you done this to me I've been a good person I don’t deserve this” I sometimes here God saying to me “ Really?”, “ You denied me to others, and yet I still came to you with open arms, remember all the times you pushed away your family and I brought them back to you, I have always been here for you and I always will be just believe in me and trust in me” It’s in that time of darkness that God sent an angel to lift me up and tell me it would be OK. Its then that God said let go of your pain and anger; let me fill your heart with love and joy. “But God I don’t know if I have the strength to do as you ask”, I replied. “You still don’t understand and you still don’t believe” he said. “Faith is so hard for me, I want to have faith and believe but I don’t know how.” I said. “Open your eyes and heart and I will show you I am God.” he said. There is a difference between taking something on faith and knowing that it is so. When God began to show himself to be, I didn’t become a faithful Christian I became a knowing follower of God. The journey I now take with God is not an easy one, it’s not always a one moving forward I sometime slip and fall and have the ways of my past start to drag me back but now I know God is with me and he is a loving and forgiving God and will be there to help me back onto the proper trail should I become lost.